you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
