It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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