i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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