And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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