Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
