thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
