Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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