I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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