Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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