I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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