somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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