I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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