With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
