I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
