summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
