He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
