Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
