It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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