I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
