I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
