my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
