I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
