your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
