something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
