Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
