3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
