I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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