So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
