My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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