watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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