I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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