I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
