well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
