omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
