omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
