I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
