We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
