you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
