No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
