okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
