We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
