I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
