The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
