I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
