Have you finally orgasmed yet?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
