is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
