Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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