they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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