the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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