I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
