So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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