how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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