I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
