stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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