you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
