Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
