And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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