I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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