bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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