somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
