I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
