Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
